Clitoris Culture, Or Lack Thereof (Masturbation Talk!)

masturbation2

I love masturbation. I love orgasms. This isn’t uncommon. So why don’t we see more female masturbation on the big or small screen?? The answer is (unfortunately) pretty obvious–patriarchy, oppression of female sexuality, lack of understanding of female orgasms, the bias af MPAA ratings, etc. [Note: I use ‘female’ here as a reflection of my experiences w/ my body. Not all women have vaginas, not everyone who has vaginas are women. Life is too complex to be so binary.]

The first time I remember seeing anything about female masturbation watching the movie ‘Pleasantville’ in high school. In the film, a woman touches herself [to orgasm!] for the first time. Hell yeah. I remember watching it in class and being like ‘whhhat? nice!’ while trying to drown out the snickers of my classmates. There were many girls at my high school who talked about the ‘dirtiness’ of female masturbation and their aversion to it. (Even I admit to shaming masturbation–what a goddamn shame!) And, of course, there were many more boys at my high school who talked about their masturbation excursions incessantly.

I can totally see now how my aversion to female masturbation was because of a multitude of things, most notably me feeling like my body was a tool for someone else’s pleasure. This feeling is hard to shake, especially when every form of media is reinforcing the idea that women’s bodies, and female pleasure, exist only for the enjoyment of men. It’s shitty. It’s unfair. It’s too easy to internalize.

Breaking from internalized objectification is hard as shit. While I masturbated a bit in high school I didn’t really feel comfortable masturbating until I was in college. In many ways I didn’t feel worthy of my own body, worthy of pleasure without a partner present. I didn’t feel comfortable seeing myself as sexual because, I can see now, I didn’t want to view myself through an oppressive lens. I associated sexual allure, or whathaveyou, with power and I learned at a young age that being ‘sexually alluring’ is not always a form a power.

Once I began breaking down what I was feeling and why I was feeling it I began to learn and explore more about my own sexuality (with the help of lovely sex positive Youtube channels and blogs). I began to give myself as much sexual attention and respect as I gave partners. I learned to seduce the fuck out of myself. I learned to treat masturbation as a form of sex, not a lesser form of sexual experiences.

Now, I can happily say, I’m a multiple-orgasm queen, both by myself and w/ my partners. At the end of the day, my comfort and the comfort of my partners is one of the most important factors of my orgasms. I need to feel comfortable. I need to feel respected, by my partners and myself. Everyone has different boundaries, different comfort zones. Some people can orgasm in two minutes, some don’t like to orgasm at all. This list of hot vulva orgasm tips won’t help everyone, but I hope it gets you to think about your body and your sexuality a bit more.


My Top 5 Masturbation Tips

  1. buy a vibrator (but don’t feel obligated to use it every time you masturbate)
  2. don’t rush it (it can be hard to not try to get to the orgasm asap but you wouldn’t expect a sexual partner to orgasm as quick as possible, right?)
  3. masturbate when you’re bored or stressed out (you might not orgasm but i find it to be a great stress-reliever and sleep-inducer)
  4. try new things! (when you’ve got a good routine, masturbating can be awesome and monotonous. trying new things, like different positions or moves, can be a cool way to heat things up)
  5. keep going! (it wasn’t until this past year that i’ve been able to consistently have multiple orgasms. it’s amazing, obviously. it also lets me enjoy my time w/ myself more. continuing the rub my clitoris, regardless of if i orgasm again or not, helps me remember that sex isn’t all about the climax it’s about the whole experience!)

Best wishes,

Amanda

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